Picture-window Perfect

Merry Christmas! On the first day of Christmas myself gave to me, a replacement for my broken window.

Yes, folks, I bought myself a big expensive Christmas present -- instead of simply repairing the glass broken during the Storm Damage episode staring Hurricane Honey Bear, the powers that be (namely me, myself and I) decided to get the window I really wanted -- a beautiful bay window that increases the amount of sunshine let in and better illuminates the gaping hole in the carpet left by The Mystery of the Missing Carpet episode.

Here's some before pictures --

Notice the lovely cardboard keeping shards of glass from falling onto the lovely mauve-esque carpet and the lovely blue carpet padding showing through the missing carpet.



Notice how we were fashion-forward and did NOT use silver duct tape to keep the glass shards together.

And here is after --











Now I'm not suggesting you let an Eskie be your interior designer but I gotta say this is a definite improvement inside and out!

It was a dark and stormy night . . .

I think I know why Snoopy in the Peanuts comic strip always started his stories out, "It was a dark and stormy night." He or one of his litter mates were probably afraid of storms so it was the scariest setting he could think of for his literary efforts.

I used to enjoy the deep rumblings, exciting flashes and, if I didn't have to venture outside, the sound of the peaceful falling rain. And then there were dogs in my life.

As if it wasn't hard enough convincing them they need to perform all necessary bodily functions outside as usual, there's the frequent foster or four-legged visitor that acts as if every thunder storm is punishment from God for every bad thought and evil deed and like Adam in the Garden of Eden they run and hide as if the next lightning bolt has their name on it.

Popular thought is to ignore them and not reward their fearful behavior. This works for some.

Several Eskies have responded well to calmly holding them throughout the storm and ignoring the storm instead of ignoring the Eskie. Of course if you have chores to do or are sitting in your favorite chair checking email on your laptop it can get pretty interesting if your four-legged friend is over 30 pounds!

Some have preferred to go into their crates with all their favorite things and hide there under the storm passes. This is fine as long as they are not panting and working themselves up even more.

I'd love to hear what has worked for others. Meanwhile here's hoping the skies are blue!

Storm Damage

Friday the tornados missed our neighborhood even though we could see rotation in the clouds as they passed over. Other areas near by were not so fortunate. Even though they were small, weak and short-lived tornados and no one was killed they devastated the lives of those they did touch.

Saturday Hurricane Ike was far to our South and now it looks like even Ike's heavy rains will miss our area.

So what storm damage do we have? Let's call it Hurricane Honey Bear. Hater of all who dare pass within his eyesight. Protector of all property from intruders. First responder to all knocks at the door.

The scene is set in the living room at the front of house, graced with a large window. To protect the window from direct hits by Hurricane Honey Bear a couch has been placed in front of the window. To be specific it is a settee that was thoughtfully covered with leather to withstand Hurricane Honey Bear but said leather is definitly showing wear and in some places has given up the fight altogether.

Whenever intruders threaten Hurricane Honey Bear gathers speed and with all the force his 40 pounds can muster he launches towards that large front window a million times a day. Most of the time the settee can manage to stay on all four of it's delicate legs but sometimes it will teeter backwards towards the window and many times it will tilt back all the way and tip over to the point it meets the window sill. You'd think it would scare the dog so bad he'd remember not to do such a crazy stunt. But alas he hates intruders more than he fears tipping over.

Meanwhile in the kitchen Big Kitty is playing in safety with the door closed so Hurricane Honey Bear can't eat him as a quick snack. Big Kitty, being a smart cat and loving to taunt the stupid canines, has learned to knock on the kitchen door to get the dogs barking. I never hear Big Kitty laughing out loud but he always has a very smug look on his face after one of these ruses.

So during a rare quiet moment this Saturday afternoon while The Staff is checking email and reading the paper in the den, Big Kitty gets bored and knocks on the kitchen door. Hurricane Honey Bear leaps into action and at full speed and full volume lauches towards the living room and the poor settee. Suddenly there's a loud CRUNCH THUD and silence.

Staff 1: "I don't EVEN want to know what that was."

Staff 2: "Okay. I'll go see what it was." Silence. "OMG!" Silence.

Hurricane Honey Bear had blasted the settee through the window.

Thank God for double-paned windows, cardboard and duct tape. Anbody know a good repairman?

Do Cats have Lips?

We interrupt our normal Eskie programming for an important bulletin: Cats Have Lips.

How do I know? Because they require Chapstick.

I can see the doubt and disbelief on your face but I can assure you that it must be true.
If you come to my house and accidentally drop your Chapstick or leave it on a flat surface (doesn't matter what size the area is because apparently cats can fit into places that are ten times smaller than they are) Benson (The Cat) will claim it and hide it from you and the Eskies.

Well, to be exact he will play hockey with it -- batting it at land speeds heretofore never achieved indoors. Wood and tile are best but he reaches respectable speeds on carpet too -- with the exception of the speed bump created by the missing carpet (http://eskiepades.blogspot.com/2008/08/mystery-of-missing-carpet.html).

I suppose I could be mistaken about Cats having lips and it's more of a case that they just like torpedo shaped objects for their aerodynamic properties. But I still think investment in a nanny-cam would be worth it if we catch the cat getting the lid off the Chapstick and better yet getting that lid back on. You see The Cat knows the Eskies will steal the Chapstick and eat it if they catch wind of it.

Lucky Lucas

Ah the bittersweet part of rescue: The youngest member of our troupe has found a forever home of his own! Yes the bouncing baby boy formerly known as Lucas is now Lucky Lucas.

It's hard to explain the mixed feelings of being a Foster Mom to four-legged ragamuffins. You take them in, clean them up, teach them some manners, show them lots of love -- basically treat them like they are your's forever. All the while working furiously to send them on their way so you can make room for another one.

For all the frayed nerves, expense and time put into each wild little thing you'd think I'd party when one finds a permanent home of their own. But no. Not I. I cry as I back out of the driveway of their new family. I cry when I get home and see their empty bed. I cry when I get out one-too-many treats.

But oh the smiles! I smile when I hear how well they are doing in their home. I smile when I see pictures of them and their new family. I smile as I clean up their bed and get it ready for the next lucky Eskie that will be cleaned up, taught some manners and shown lots of love.

Fostering: The hardest but best job in the world.

Poo Never Lies

Opening scene finds the Professors of Poo (Jeremy and Laurel) conversing about the recent Mystery of the Missing Carpet.

L: So who do you think murdered the thermometers?
J: Well it certainly was NOT the Princess Nanna!
L: How are we going to find out 'who done it'?
J: Elementary! I will question each suspect while holding the cover, er, rather, what's LEFT of the cover of the electronic victim.

As Professor of Poo 1 (Jeremy) questions each of the usual suspects (Aspen, Rumor and Honey Bear) with mangled cover in hand, each Eskie claims total innocence by sniffing the object and walking away with the most angelic demeanor ever displayed by four-footed fiends.

J: Well it had to be Honey Bear because Aspen always acts guilty.
L: But Honey Bear always acts guilty too and they both look innocent! Now what?
J: (ominously) Time will tell.
L: Huh?
J: Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow morning.
L: Huh? (Apparently the Mercury fumes were fogging Professor of Poo 2's thoughts!)
J: You KNOW . . . in the yard!
L: OH! Of course!

Now let me just say that neither PP1 nor PP2 attended any classes or seminars to rise to the glorified level of Professor of Poo. Nor did they intentionally pursue degrees in the field. It happened subconsciously, over time, during many hours of scooping, inspecting and analyzing miscellaneous piles. PPs can instantly tell even at a rake and pan handle's distance whether an object is pine cone, leaf or poo. PPs can find poo in Winter's snow or Autumn's leaves. PPs know which pile came from which pooch. PPs recognize non-food items ingested and expelled no matter how mutilated and degree of decomposition!

Later, back at the ranch -

J: Aspen.
L: Huh?
J: Aspen did it.
L: Did what? (Still under the effect of Mercury fumes? We hope so.)
J: Aspen murdered the thermometers.
L: How do you know? (Okay, now we're worried!)
J: In the yard. Plastic and other evidence.
L: Aha!

Aha indeed! The Poo Never Lies. And thus concludes the Mystery of the Missing Carpet.

The Mystery of the Missing Carpet

Today's episode begins on a beautiful Summer afternoon. Birds are singing. I'm happy to be home from "the real job" and looking forward to pitter-patter of little Eskie feet and chorus of welcoming barks.

As I open the door and the usual pandemonium ensues, all seems right with the world. Big Kitty greets me at the door and rolls over for his daily belly rub as if this day is the same as any other day.

I proceed to the den and wait for Bear, Rumor, Aspen and Savannah to sit and calm themselves -- or at least all of them to cease barking at the same time -- then I release them to the backyard so they can share their enthusiasm with the squirrels, birds and any other creatures silly enough to stray into their domain.

On my way to the front door I smile when I see the long, white, unbroken trail of toilet paper proceeding from the bathroom at the other end of the hall and proudly note the new distance record of 10 feet. I retrieve the mail and sort through it. Rats! We have not won a million dollars. Then I look up and see it. Time and I immediately freeze as my mind attempts to process the crime scene.

There in the middle of the living room, surrounded by a crowd of helpless, furry toy witnesses are the remains of both an electronic fever thermometer and it's old fashioned equivalent. That's right -- broken bits of plastic, glass and MERCURY! I remain motionless, frantically deciding whether to panic, cry, or both. When in doubt, get on the Internet!

As bad as ingesting broken glass may be for pets, a little voice in my head keeps screaming, "Mercury poisoning!" so my shaking fingers pound that into the search field. Sure enough -- Mercury fumes are deadly and there are explicit instructions on how to clean up a spill. Use gloves, double-bag, hazardous disposal, critical that every molecule be removed and without dispersing the deadly gas even more! ACK! Even dispose of what you wear during clean up. ACK! And dispose of everything that the Mercury has touched, could have touched, and a wide path around all of that just in case. ACK! Be very careful to not disturb the Mercury during disposal because that will just release more toxic fumes even faster. ACK! (The only good news is that the elemental Mercury in thermometers is not poisonous if ingested. Go figure.)

So I spring into action, change clothes, grab tools, prepare plastic bags, put on disposable gloves. Quick! Before we all have irreparable harm to our lungs!

Now, is this toxic Mercury spill on a solid surface where the balls of Mercury can be simply rounded up with an index card? No. Is it on a cheap throw rug that can be easily discarded? No. It's in the middle of wall-to-wall carpeting! And that is why there is now a 3 foot by 4 foot patch of bright blue carpet padding perfectly framed by lovely mauve carpet in the middle of my formal living room.

Everyone is fine. No permanent damage. But what about the huge chunk of missing carpet? Well it just so happens that there are beautiful hardwood floors under that bright blue padding so we now know which project is next in our do-it-yourself home improvement.

Now they don't call mysteries "who-done-it's" for nothing. So who was the culprit? Stay tuned for an episode featuring the Professors of Poo!

Supporting Cast and Crew

No major production is complete without supporting cast and crew! In addition to the aforementioned characters we currently have some very important visitors:

Savannah -

Princess Nanna. Worthy of Worship and Ruler of All Things.

Motto: Boys are Stupid. Throw Rocks at Them.

Favorite activity: Squeaking. I squeak when I'm excited and I like toys that squeak.

Pet peeve: Any female dog within sight, sound or smell.

Rumor and Aspen -

The Twins. Nanna's brothers, Stupid Boy 1 and Stupid Boy 2.

Motto: It takes two. It always takes two.

Favorite activity: Gang up on Savannah.

Pet peeve: Squirrels and wet grass.

Benson -

The Cat. Big Kitty (bigger and weighs more than Savannah!)

Motto: Would someone PLEASE control these dogs! Never mind. Let me show you how it's done!

Favorite activity: Traveling throughout the house without ever touching the floor.

Pet peeve: Change. Every time I get everything the way I want it the dogs or the humans screw it up!

Every major production needs crew members and trust me, this bunch, especially the cat, needs staff! If you've been keeping count that's 9 dogs and a cat. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

Aunt Lolly -

Foster Mom. Computer Nerd.
Motto: Will work for dog food.
Favorite activity: Falling asleep in front of the TV.
Pet peeve: The cat dodging between my feet just because he can.

Uncle Jeremy -

The only sane one -- but we're wearing him down!

Motto: If only the Mute button on the remote worked on the dogs!

Favorite activity: Going to work. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Pet peeve: The whole Frisking-the-fosters-before-they-sneak-things-out-the-back-door and chasing-fosters-throughout-the-house-to-get-them-to-the-back-door thing.

The Current Cast of Characters

By popular request (Towanda!) here's an introduction to our current cast of characters:

Honey Bear -
The eternal foster. Defender of all things.
Motto: Bite first ask questions later.
Favorite activity: Car rides.
Pet peeve: Children. No wait . . . bicycles. No wait . . . children on bicycles.
(Originally a stray. Returned to rescue because of biting.)



Fiona -

Sassy Momma.
Motto: Get it while it's hot.
Favorite activity: Cleaning up the yard.
Pet peeve: Leashes. Never learned to use 'em. Don't need 'em. I'll just lie down and let you pick me up!





Ellen -
Little Bit/Squatty Body. Cute as a button and cuddly too.
Motto: Life is scary -- hide under your bed!
Favorite activity: Going to Petsmart for Adoption Day.
Pet peeve: The rope piping in the seams of her bed.

(Fiona and Ellen spent their first years locked up without human contact, no veterinary care, no training -- just churning out puppies. They are now happy, playful and well cared for.)




Noah -
Selective Hearing Specialist. Shameless Thief.
Motto: If it's mine, it's mine. If it's your's, it's mine. If it's not mine, it's mine.
Favorite activity: Sneaking things out the back door.
Pet peeve: Security check at the back door. They're stricter than those people at the airport!
(Noah's owner passed away.)

Andrew -
Baby Faced. Big Talker. Winner of Most Organized Bed award.
Motto: Felix Unger had it right!
Favorite activity: Carry all your toys, one at a time, from your crate to the middle of the living room. Pause and play with each one before going back to get another.
Pet peeve: Wrapping paper. It's slows me down when I get new toys and stuff.

(Andrew is just visiting until his family can care for him again.)

And last but not least . . .
Lucas -
Busy Boy. Too young, too cute, too cuddly.
Motto: Why walk when you can bounce?!?
Favorite activity: Play, play, play. Play some more.
Pet peeve: People just don't understand that they should spend ALL their time petting me!

(Lucas has a new family lined up so he'll be leaving us soon!)

Greetings

Well I've suggested others write a book about our adventures so why not take my own advice? You can thank http://lacasadetowanda.blogspot.com/ for getting me started. She adopted one of my first fosters and helped us develop a small local chapter that is still chugging along even though she moved off to that beautiful place you see more about on her blog.

The picture I've posted is not me but rather my "permanent" foster, Honey Bear. He's great with dogs but not so good with humans so he has become my assistant in caring for the other fosters and he's a great traveling companion.

My goal is to entertain while educating so if you have any questions about Reskies (rescued Eskies) please ask and I will try to answer intelligently.

"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." -William Jennings Bryan